Night Tram Avenger Part Deux

The Night Tram Avenger found his kryptonite one night: his knees. God DAMN my knees. How am I supposed to avenge the night trams with these rickety, slipshod, godforsaken KNEES!!!???

In a country full of drunken creeps who scream, belch, smell, swear and occasionally smack they beotches up---WHAT'S A NINJA GONNA DO?

I had just boarded another night tram after a decent piss up (that's what the Brit majority in Prague calls it; we back home would've called it a HOOTENANY). I was standing and holding the rails for lack of a decent seat for my Elvisian lardy ass. I was staring at a public service announcement about how a decent citizen should help the blind people onto the tram. Even give em their seats. As if a decentgodfearingmoralcivilizedpeople would NEED this. But the Czechs are a bunch of vile, ignorant, selfish FUCKING peasants. YESSSS, PEASANTS. With the manners of a goat on crack. Hence the need for a public service announcement about common sense.

If you are Czech and you somehow can read this (Christ, they're teaching the peasants to READ?), then FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON. YOU SUCK.

So, having read this sign with its colorful illustrations of various blind people lurching about, I was brought back to my previous involuntary smackdown of one of the fine locals. His crime? He dared to smack his blind woman up. Repeatedly. In front of ME.

Well, if you read the previous post, there was one sorry sack of shit who would be wondering if he had spilled a huge bottle of ketchup on his shirt the next day. I don't imagine it was the first time he had his nose broken. Hell, I'll break it again if I ever see the douchebag.

Any WHO, as I was reading the customer service announcement and reminiscing on my previous NTA episode, I heard the screams. I looked to the left and saw a couple yelling at each other. I finished reading the public service announcement. I was waiting for the last frame, the one in which the ONE SOLITARITY SAMARITAN would help out the blind woman.

The domestic quarrel grew worse; she was trying to pull him out of his seat and was trying to get him to leave the tram. He refused and cursed her. She cried and pleaded with him. Then he stood up and hit her in the face.

Without breaking stride, I lurched down the tram and switched into the Night Tram Avenger. There was no costume change. There was only a personality change. I am not like this in real life. I am a large teddy bear, really. But as Mickey Rourke said in 'Sin City', "It really gets my goat when guys rough up dames."

The punk in question was a low life, drug-addled gypsy scumbag. If that appears to be politcally incorrect in any way, then check your reality. It was the truth. I tried to get in between the gypo scuzzbucket and the woman, but the tram lurched and I couldn't land a punch. So I went with plan B: I grabbed the scumbag in a head lock and proceeded to ram his head into the tram window, one, two, three. On the third thump, the woman involved asked me to stop.

At this point the slimy little bugger slipped my grip and ran away. He was shouting some gypo nonsense at me and at her, but I can't speak Czech when I am the NTA. Especially Gypo Czech. So I just told him to SIT THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE I WILL WATCH HER KICK YOUR ASS AND YOU DON'T GET TO DO SHIT!

As the slime doggie was leaving the tram, I told the lady I was sorry to get involved, but that I hate it when guys rough up dames. She told me in English 'you are gentleman.' As the tram doors were closing on her erstwhile mate, he managed to scream his goodbyes with an umbrella thrown in between the closing doors. It flew between the woman and myself and smacked into the opposite tram window. The person sitting where the umbrella had struck said and did nothing, as is typical for a Czech.

The next day I was nursing my sore knee. How did it happen? I didn't feel anything as I rammed the gypo's head into the glass the previous night. Perhaps when he slipped my grip I twisted my knee. I dunno. I thought about whether the pain of my recurring knee troubles was worth the NTA thing.

Then I thought about it. How often do you get to beat up a real live gypsy in the Czech Republic?

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Abusive Drunk Hits Blind Woman; Gets a Taste of My Fists of Fury

Many people said this to me in the past:

'Never get in the middle of a domestic dispute; you will always get beat up as a result.'

Well, I never listen to most people. Especially THOSE people.

Tonight--in fact, less than 30 minutes ago-- I punched a man on a Prague tram. I punched him 2 or 3 times to be sure. I punched him until his face was bloody.

I had been in a bar and was on my way home on the night tram. I normally keep to myself and just watch the drunken night owls bellowing and belching and hollering on their ride home. Tonight was different. A real DOUCHE BAG of a drunk was sitting behind a blind woman, apparently a woman he knew, yelling at her. I mean the man was a BAG of DOUCHE. I have seen some callous, swaggering, drunken, macho bullshit in the Czech Republic, but this took the cake.

I tried to shake it off and tell myself that:

a) it's not my problem
b) it's his and her business
c) it's her problem for being with such a BAG of DOUCHE
d) the cops would arrest and deport me should I get involved

Well, you get a pass for being drunk and stupid. Nobody gets a pass for pushing a blind woman around. I mean, she had the long white cane, the closed little mole eyes and everything.

I have had rage problems in this country. They generally center around ignorant, selfish, drunken boors that think they run things. In fact, many would describe the entire country as full of these fuckadors, especially in all of the branches of government, top to bottom.

After his shouts (in Czech) of 'BITCH' and 'CUNT' and other various terms of endearment hit this poor blind woman's ears, all she could do was hang her head down at her cane. I felt my heart race and told myself not to get involved. It really wasn't my problem. But this country is full of cowardly souls who stand by and watch people get beaten, robbed, and even raped (in one reported case).

Being drunk, and otherwise having my peaceful ride home interrupted by this boorish chap, I simply yelled out 'SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!' Being drunk, HE shook his head and continued his drunken verbal abuse of A SIGHTLESS WOMAN.

When he began pushing her and brandishing his arms around, I stood up, walked over and got his undivided attention. I repeated my previous warning. He ignored it. Then he hit her. I came unglued. I can't remember the exact words that came out of my mouth but it was my fists that were talking at the time. I blocked his flailing arms, planted two quick jabs to his nose, then BITCH SLAPPED him, backhand if you will, in front of all of the people on the tram.

I backed away and watched him bleed for a moment. Did I just do this? What will happen next? I heard clapping around the tram. I saw several people in the tram who had just witnessed the events CHEERING ME ON, nodding their heads and generally making me feel like a hero. Even THE POLICE--who were obviously SOMEWHERE IN THE BACK OF THE TRAM AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT THE FUCKWIT who had just abused the blind woman and had just seen me beating a drunk , as it were--didn't arrest me. The two officers appeared and said 'stop'; I told them I would not stand by and watch that. I said she was BLIND. I asked if THEY were, too. They didn't understand me, those Czech cops. Probably a good thing. But they weren't aggressive toward me and didn't handle me. Probably lucky for all of us. They listened to the drunken bleeder blubber for a minute, I said to anyone who was listening that this was my stop (and it was) and got off the tram. I kept walking about a block before I looked behind me. Nobody was following me.

I feel absolutely fantastic. And I think I will for a long time.